●Different Hierarchy of People Status

Chinese culture has a strong sense of hierarchy.In the organizations or in the families,people who ignore the differences of hierarchy will be regarded as being impolite.In Chinese mind,the traditional concepts of monarchs and officials,father and son or other concepts are still deeply rooted.Father has absolute authority of his son,and the teachers also have absolute authority of students.Family background still plays an important part in people’s lives.In such Chinese families,the elders help the young parents to look after the children.The children grow up to assist their parents to support the elders.The family members help each other.They keep interdependent and closer family relationship.In Occident,Britain and a few other countries have a hereditary aristocracy and a rigid hereditary system.While most Occidental,particularly the Americans,are advocating the concept of equality.In the United States,very few people would be proud of their glorious family background or feel ashamed of themselves for being born in a poor family,because they know that they would be successful through their own effort.There is a popular saying: “If working hard,even a cow boy can be president.” There is no different hierarchy in an American family: members respect each other; parents and children can address each other’s names directly.The concept of the family is rather weak and the members are not usually willing to make too many sacrifices for the family.

The following are some detailed etiquette differences in China and Occident:

■Treating Praise

The attitudes which Chinese and Occidental treat praise are different.Though being happy very much,Chinese always give courteous denying to others’ praise,in order to show modesty: “Still not all right!”,“So-so!”,“Can’t compare with you!”,“I’m flattered!”... Occidental attitude towards praise may be “very joyful” and say “Thank you!”

■Entertaining Guests

Chinese are always used to thinking about from others standpoint when Chinese get along with people,which shows on receiving guests or being a guest.Guests always try not to put the host in trouble; therefore guests always decline the host’s hospitality politely.For instance,the host asks what guests prefer to drink,guests will generally say “I am not thirsty” or “Don’t bother”; when the host pours the wine for guests,guests always decline,say “It is enough,it is enough!” In fact,guests may want to drink,but just stand on ceremony.Therefore,the competent host will not ask directly what guests need,but try to figure out guests’ demand,and offer content actively.Hospitable host always urges the guests to eat more dishes and drink more spirit ceaselessly at dining table.Therefore,the atmosphere of Chinese entertaining guests is often very warm: host urges ceaselessly,guests decline ceaselessly.

No matter the host or guest,everybody is very frank when Occidental entertain guests.The host will ask the other part directly “What would you like to drink?” If guests want to drink,they will reply “what beverages do you have?” and choose a kind of beverage they like; if guests do not really want to drink,guests will say “Thanks! I do not want to drink.” The host will ask guests whether or not need some more at the dining table,if guests say “enough”,the host will not continue to urge the guests to eat more dishes and drink more wine.

■Modesty and Self-approval

Chinese believe that the modesty is a kind of virtue.No matter to own ability or achievement,Chinese always like self-effacement.If not so,they might be criticized for being “non-modest” or “arrogant and overconfident”.For instance,before the lecture,a Chinese scholar often say: “my knowledge is not deep and the preparation is insufficient either,please everybody give advice or comments” (In fact he is very erudite and the preparation is quite adequate); The hospitable host faces the dishes on all over dining-table but apologizing for not showing you enough honor by proper dishes; when the leadership give an important task,Chinese usually say modestly: “I am probably difficult to be competent.”

Occidental do not behave as modest as Chinese do.They believe that one person must be self-approval at first when he wants to get others’ recognition.Therefore,Occidental always evaluate their own ability and achievement objectively.

■Advice and Suggestion

In order to show caring about and cherish,both Chinese and Occidental,all like propose some friendly suggestions and advice to relatives and friends.While the ways of advising and suggesting are different.

Chinese often give suggestion and advice to the friend directly and would like using some words with order tone.For instance,“it is very cold,you should wear more clothes and prevent catching a cold! “,“very slippery on the road,walk slowly!”,“you should pay more attention to your health!”,“you should shave!”,“you should go to bed!”...

When Occidental propose and advise to relatives or friends,the words are very mild and euphemistic,such as: “it is cold today.If I were you,I would put on a sweater”,“you had better shave the beard.” Even if to the most intimate person,you should not talk with others in a commanding tone.Otherwise,you would be considered lacking of respect to other’s own independent personality.

■Personal Right of Privacy

Occidental attach great importance to the personal right of privacy.Nobody would involve the other side’s “private affairs” in ordinary talking.Chinese do not think much of the individual privacy,especially between relatives and friends.Everybody likes having a share in the private life of the other side together.Moreover,the elder can enquire the private life of the younger at will,in order to show caring about the younger.

■Time Concept

Occidental are very time-conscious and their schedules are very compact.The Chinese concept of time is quite general and the unexpected temporary visit and invite are of common occurrence.

■Sending Gifts

Occidental do not pay much attention to sending gifts,hardly ever considering the value of the gift as important.But great majority of Chinese relatively regard the value of the gift as important,which represents the emotion of the person who sends gifts.

In addition,the ways of sending gifts between China and Occident are obviously different too.Occidental usually open the gifts in front of the presenters and express the appreciation to the gifts.If does not open the gift face to face,the presenter will think the presentee doesn’t like it.But Chinese don’t.They intend to show that they only regard the mutual friendship,not the material benefit itself,as important.