第17章 果冻心Jelly Hearts
佚名 /Anonymous
I was in my second year of nurse's training at Children's Hospital when I fell in love with Jimmy. His eyes were the purple of a full-moon sky.
Jimmy was in the communicable diseases wing, isolated with measles and pneumonia. He had to be enclosed in his oxygen-tent-covered crib most of the time. When he wasn't sleeping, he was crying to get out. But he always stopped crying when I entered his room because he knew I would cuddle, rock and sing to him. The Children's Orphanage had been his only home most of his f ifteen months of life. I knew he was well-tended there, but no institution care can replace a mother's love.
The door opened a crack. My supervisor hissed, “Miss White! Have you completed all of your work and f inished charting?”
“Almost, Miss Stickleby.”
“It's nearly time to go off duty. Put the baby down now. Check on your other patients, and then go help Miss Nelson. I believe she had an extra patient today.” The door closed before I could answer. Suzie Nelson did not have an extra patient. I did. Suzie was assigned as Jimmy's nurse, but I asked to have him added to my patient load. I wanted the extra time with him since I'd be on vacation the next three days.
Deliberately, I dawdled, massaging his thin little legs, playing peek-a-boo with his yellow ducky blanket, urging gurgling giggles between his raspy breaths.
A loud tap rattled the ward window. Stickleby.
Back at the nurse's station, Miss Stickleby glared as I signed off Jimmy's chart. Who was she anyway? I wondered. We students couldn't fault her as a teacher and supervisor. She saw to it that we were all as conscientious in our duties as she was. But although the hospital policy encouraged staff and students to hold, play with, read and talk to all the children in our care, we never saw her cooing over a baby or reading to a toddler.
I waved good-bye to Jimmy's room as I hurried off duty, excited to have a mountain of fun. But at the same time, I was eager to return to my bright-eyed, nearly recovered Jimmy.
Holiday over, I rushed back to work and eagerly peeked through Jimmy's window on my way to the ward station. His crib was clean and empty.
“Where did you move Jimmy?” I asked the night nurse.
“Oh, he died Saturday night. Didn't you know?” Such a casual answer.
My body turned to clabbered milk. I fell into the chair, crushing the toy bag.
“I'm sorry, Joy. He was such a special little kid.” She released a long, exhausted sigh. “Saturday night was a bad night.”
Beyond consolation, I stumbled into the nurse's lounge where I could release a great wash of tears.
“Miss White!” It was Stickleby's clipped, stern voice. “Time for report. Dry your eyes and get on duty. Now, please.”
All of the emotion I felt for Jimmy poured out like boiling oil over this cold, unfeeling woman.
“How can you be so uncaring?” I yelled. “It's bad enough that Jimmy's beautiful little life is snuffed out, but he didn't even have a mama to comfort him or to care that he died. And you? Do you care about him or any other little life? No! Just, ‘Miss White, go to work. Pretend everything is the same.’ Well, it isn't the same. I care! I loved that little boy!’
Tears spattered down the front of my uniform.
A handkerchief dropped onto my wet lap. I felt a soft touch on my shoulder. Miss Stickle-by stood at my side, teardrops softening her stiff uniform.
“Miss White... Joy,” her voice was a husky whisper. “There are far too many Jimmys in our profession. They can wreck our hearts if we let them. You and I are jelly hearts. We will always be searching for ways to cope. One thing I know for sure is that we must give equal attention to each child. To single out one child can destroy us and can limit our ability to be an effective nurse.”
She blotted her face. “It may give you comfort to know that Jimmy did not die alone. Death took him softly from my arms.”
We sat together for a brief time, the seasoned jelly-hearted teacher and the green jelly-hearted student, crying.
Then we put on our fresh nurse faces and went out to love and care for all the little children in our charges.
我爱上吉米时，是我在儿童医院做见习护士的第二年。他紫色的眼睛就像天空中的一轮满月那样漂亮。
吉米在传染病科，他因患有麻疹和肺炎而被隔离开来。大部分时间里，他都必须待在用氧气帐罩住的小**。他睡不着时，总是哭喊着要出去。但只要我一走进他的房间，他就不哭了，他知道我会抱他、摇他，唱歌给他听。孤儿院几乎是他唯一的家，我知道，在他十五个月的生命里，他在这里得到了很好的照顾。只是，母爱是任何公共机构的照顾都无法替代的。
门开了一条缝，我的督导轻声说道：“怀特小姐，你完成所有的工作了吗？病情记录表填好了吗？”
“差不多了，斯蒂克贝小姐。”
“下班时间快到了，现在放下那个孩子，去检查其他的病人，然后去帮帮尼尔森小姐，我想她今天额外增加了一个病人。”我还没来得及回答门就关上了。苏茜·尼尔森没有新的病人，是我增加了病人。苏茜被指定为吉米的护士，但我要求在我的病人名单里加上他。接下来我有三天假期，所以我想多陪陪他。
我按摩着他那瘦小的双腿，故意磨磨蹭蹭的。我用他那可爱的黄色毯子，跟他玩躲猫猫的游戏，他沉重的呼吸声中，夹杂着咯咯的笑声。
病房窗户上传来一阵急促敲打声，是斯蒂克贝小姐。
我回到护士室，斯蒂克贝小姐瞪着我，看着我填完吉米的记录表。她究竟是怎样的人？我想。她是老师和督导，我们学生不能挑剔她的过错。她希望我们都像她一样尽职尽责地工作。但是，尽管医院鼓励全体人员和实习生们对他们照看的所有孩子抱一抱、逗一逗，给他们读读书、说说话。但我们从未见她逗过哪个婴儿或给哪个蹒跚学步的孩子读书听。
我为即将拥有的快乐时光兴奋不已，匆匆下班时，我向吉米的病房挥手道别。同时，我也很渴望回到我那有着明亮大眼睛的吉米身边，他快要康复了。
假期结束后，我重回工作岗位。去住院部的路上，我透过吉米的窗户，急切地往里看。他的小床干干净净，却空****的。
“你们把吉米搬到哪儿去了？”我问值夜班的护士。
“哦，周六的晚上他死了。你不知道吗？”如此漫不经心的回答。
我僵住了，身体瘫软下来，跌倒在椅子上，手里抓紧那一袋玩具。
“我很难过，乔伊。他是个特别的小家伙。”她长长叹了一口气，疲倦地说道，“星期六晚上很糟糕。”
这并不能给我安慰，我跌跌撞撞地来到护士休息室，在那儿，我可以任眼泪奔涌而出。
“怀特小姐！”是斯蒂克贝小姐严厉、冷酷的声音。“上班时间到了。把你的眼泪擦干，去上班，请马上去。”
我对吉米的伤心转化成了一腔怒火，就像滚烫的油一样，对着这个冷漠、没有感情的女人喷涌而出。
“你怎么可以如此冷漠呢？”我大喊道。“吉米，这么美好小生命就这样死去了，这已经够不幸了，可他甚至连一个爱抚他、在乎他死去的妈妈都没有。而你呢？你在乎过他和其他的小生命吗？没有！你只会说‘怀特小姐，去工作，假装一切都没有改变’。噢，可是已经变了，我在乎！我爱那个小男孩！”
眼泪扑簌簌地滴落在我胸前的护士服上。
一块手帕跌落在我膝盖上，那儿已经被泪水打湿了。我的肩膀感受到一阵轻抚，斯蒂克贝小姐站在我身边，泪水也同样湿润了她坚硬的制服。
“怀特小姐……乔伊，”她的声音有些沙哑，“在我们的职业生涯里，会有太多像吉米这样的人。如果你放任感情的话，他们会让你心碎。你我都是果冻心，我们应该不断寻找办法来应对。我能明确的一件事是我们必须对每一个孩子一视同仁，对一个孩子的特别关照会毁了我们，会阻碍我们成为一个高效率的护士。”
她擦干了眼泪，“让你知道吉米并非孤独地死去，或许会给你一点安慰，他是在我的怀里静静地被死神带走的。”
我们坐在一起，拥有成熟果冻心的老师和青涩果冻心的学生，在一起哭泣了短暂的一段时间。
然后我们以全新的面孔出现，去爱和照顾由我们看护的所有孩子们。
记忆填空
1.Jimmy was in the communicable diseases_______, isolated with measles and pneumonia. He had to be enclosed_______ his oxygen-tent-covered crib most of the_______ . When he wasn't sleeping, he was crying to get_______ . But he always stopped crying when I entered his room because he knew I would cuddle, rock and sing_______him.
2.Holiday_______ , I rushed back to work and eagerly peeked_______ Jimmy's window on my way to the ward station. His crib was clean and_______.
佳句翻译
1.他紫色的眼睛就像天空中的一轮满月那样漂亮。
译_______________________________________________________________
2.我为即将拥有的快乐时光兴奋不已，匆匆下班时，我向吉米的病房挥手道别。
译_______________________________________________________________
3.在我们的职业生涯里，会有太多像吉米这样的人。如果你放任感情的话，他们会让你心碎。
译_______________________________________________________________
短语应用
1.I was in my second year of nurse's training at Children's Hospital when I fell in love with Jimmy.
fall in love：爱上某人，坠入爱河
造_______________________________________________________________
2.But at the same time, I was eager to return to my bright-eyed, nearly recovered Jimmy.
at the same time：然而；同时
造_______________________________________________________________