第25章 微笑的力量 The Power of Smile
戴尔·卡耐基/Dale Carnegie
You must have a good time meeting people if you expect them to have a good time meeting you.
I have asked thousands of business people to smile at someone every hour of the day for a week and then come to class and talk about the results. How did it work? Let's see... Here is a letter from William B. Steinhardt, a New York stockbroker. His case isn't isolated. In fact, it is typical of hundreds of cases.
“I have been married for over eighteen years,”wrote Mr. Steinhardt,“and in all that time I seldom smiled at my wife or spoke two dozen words to her from the time I got up until I was ready to leave for business. I was one of the worst grouches who ever walked down Broad-way.
“When you asked me to make a talk about my experience with smiles, I thought I would try it for a week. So the next morning, while combing my hair, I looked at my glum mug in the mirror and said to myself, ‘Bill, you are going to wipe the scowl off that sour puss of yours today. You are going to smile. And you are going to begin right now.' As I sat down to breakfast, I greeted my wife with a ‘Good morning, my dear,’ and smiled as I said it.
“You warned me that she might be surprised. Well, you underestimated her reaction. She was bewildered. She was shocked. I told her that in the future she could expect this as a regular occurrence, and I kept it up every morning.
“This changed attitude of mine brought more happiness into our home in the two months since I started than there was during the last year.
“As I leave for my office, I greet the elevator operator in the apartment house with a ‘Good morning’ and a smile; I greet the doorman with a smile. I smile at the cashier in the subway booth when I ask for change. As I stand on the floor of the Stock Exchange, I smile at people who until recently never saw me smile.
“I soon found that everybody was smiling back at me, I treat those who come to me with complaints or grievances in a cheerful manner, I smile as I listen to them and I find that adjustments are accomplished much easier. I find that smiles are bringing me dollars, many dollars every day.
“I share my office with another broker. One of his clerks is a likable young chap, and I was so elated about the results I was getting that I told him recently about my new philosophy of human relations. He then confessed that when I first came to share my office with his firm he thought me a terrible grouch—and only recently changed his mind. He said I was really human when I smiled.
“I have also eliminated criticism from my system. I give appreciation and praise now instead of condemnation. I have stopped talking about what I want. I am now trying to see the other person's viewpoint. And these things have literally revolutionized my life. I am a totally different man, a happier man, a richer man, richer in friendships and happiness—the only things that matter much after all.”
You don't feel like smiling? Then what? Two things. First, force yourself to smile. If you are alone, force yourself to whistle or hum a tune or sing. Act as if you were already happy, and that will tend to make you happy. Here is the way the psychologist and philosopher William James put it:
Action seems to follow feeling, but really action and feeling go together; and by regulating the action, which is under the more direct control of the will, we can indirectly regulate the feeling, which is not.
Thus the sovereign voluntary path to cheerfulness, if our cheerfulness be lost, is to sit up cheerfully and to act and speak as if cheerfulness were already there...
Everybody in the world is seeking happiness—and there is one sure way to find it. That is by controlling your thoughts. Happiness doesn't depend on outward conditions. It depends on inner conditions.
It isn't what you have or who you are or where you are or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about it. For example, two people may be in the same place, doing the same thing; both may have about an equal amount of money and prestige—and yet one may be miserable and the other happy. Why? Because of a different mental attitude. I have seen just as many happy faces among the poor peasants toiling with their primitive tools in the devastating heat of the tropics as I have seen in air- conditioned offices in New York, Chicago or Los Angeles.
“There is nothing either good or bad,”said Shakespeare,“but thinking makes it so.”
Abe Lincoln once remarked that“most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be”. He was right.
Whenever you go out-of-doors, draw the chin in, carry the crown of the head high, and fill the lungs to the utmost; drink in the sunshine; greet your friends with a smile, and put soul into every handclasp. Do not fear being misunderstood and do not waste a minute thinking about your enemies.
Try to fix firmly in your mind what you would like to do; and then, without veering off direction, you will move straight to the goal. Keep your mind on the great and splendid things you would like to do, and then, as the days go gliding away, you will find yourself unconsciously seizing upon the opportunities that are required for the fulfillment of your desire, just as the corm insect takes from the running tide the element it needs. Picture in your mind the able, earnest, useful person you desire to be, and the thought you hold is hourly transforming you into that particular individual... Thought is supreme. Preserve a right mental attitude—the attitude of courage, frankness, and good cheer. To think rightly is to create. All things come through desire and every sincere prayer is answered. We become like that on which our hearts are fixed. Carry your chin in and the crown of your head high. We are gods in the chrysalis.
The ancient Chinese were a wise lot—wise in the ways of the world; and they had a proverb that you and I ought to cut out and paste inside our hats. It goes like this:“A man without a smiling face must not open a shop.”
Some years ago, a department store in New York City, in recognition of the pressures its sales clerks were under during the Christmas rush, presented the readers of its advertisements with the following homely philosophy:
THE VALUE OF A **ILE AT CHRISTMAS
It costs nothing, but creates much. It enriches those who receive, without impoverishing those who give. It happens in a flash and the memory of it sometimes lasts forever. None are so rich they can get along without it, and none so poor but are richer for its benefits. It creates happiness in the home, fosters good will in a business, and is the countersign of friends. It is rest to the weary, daylight to the discouraged, sunshine to the sad, and Nature's best antidote. Yet it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen, for it is something that is no earthly good to anybody till it is given away. And if in the last-minute rush of Christmas buying some of our salespeople should be too tired to give you a smile, may we ask you to leave one of yours? For nobody needs a smile so much as those who have none left to give!
如果你希望别人热情接待你，你一定要热情接待别人。
我曾要求成千上万的商业人士时刻对某人微笑，持续一个星期后，到班上来讲讲结果。它会产生怎样的效果呢？让我们来看看……这封信是一个叫威廉·B.史坦哈德的先生写的，他是纽约的一个股票经纪人。他的情况并不少见，事实上，它是成千上万的案例中典型的一个。
“我已经结婚18年多了，”史坦哈德写道，“在此期间，从我起床到准备好出门上班，我很少对妻子微笑，或说上一两句话。我是那些匆匆行走在百老汇的人当中最不高兴的人。
“当你要求我以微笑的经验发表一番谈话时，我决定试一个星期。所以，第二天早上梳头的时候，我看着镜中满面愁容的自己，就对自己说：‘比尔，你今天要把脸上的愁容一扫而空。你要微笑起来，现在就开始。’当我坐下来吃早餐时，我问候太太‘早安，亲爱的’，同时对她微笑。
“你曾提醒过我，她可能大吃一惊。噢，你可能低估了她的反应。她不知所措、惊愕不已。我对她说，从此以后可以把我这种态度看成平常的事情。我每天早晨都坚持这样做。
“我改变后的态度，这两个月里给我们家带来的快乐，比去年一年的还要多。
“我去上班时，我会对大楼开电梯的人微笑着说‘早上好！’我还微笑着跟看门人打招呼。在地铁售票处兑换零钱的时候，我也会微笑着和服务员打招呼。当我站在交易所大厅时，我向那些以前从未见过我微笑的人们微笑。
“我发现每个人都对我报以微笑。我用愉快的方式对待那些过来发牢骚或诉苦的人。我微笑着听他们说，问题就很容易调解了。我发现微笑给我带来了钱财，每天都大有所获。
“我同另一位经纪人共用一间办公室，他有一个职员是一个讨人喜欢的小伙子。我很为自己取得的进展而高兴，于是我将最近自己关于人际关系的新哲学告诉他。后来，他承认说，当我最初与他的公司共用办公室的时候，还以为我是个郁郁寡欢的人呢——直到最近才改变看法。他说，我微笑的时候很有人情味。
“我也改掉了批评别人的习惯，现在，我总是欣赏和称赞别人，而不是指责。我不再只谈论自己的需要，而是试着从别人的立场来看问题。这些逐渐彻底地改变了我的生活。现在我完全变成了另外一个人，一个更快乐、更富有的人，而且拥有更多的友谊和快乐——毕竟这才是真正重要的东西。”
你不喜欢微笑吗？那该怎么办呢？有两个办法：第一，强迫自己微笑。第二，如果你一个人独处，不妨强迫自己吹吹口哨，或哼一支小曲，或唱唱歌，假装你很快乐的样子，这样就会让你快乐起来。心理学家和哲学家威廉·詹姆士曾这样说道：
“行动看似是跟随在感觉之后产生的。但事实上，它与感觉同时进行，行为更多的是受控于意念而非感觉，通过调节行为，我们就能间接地调节感觉。
所以，如果我们不快乐，有一种强烈的意愿能让自己快乐起来，那就是快乐地坐着，假装快乐的样子来行动、说话。
世界上每个人都在追求幸福——找到幸福的可靠方法只有一个，那就是控制你的思想。幸福并不取决于外在条件，而在于你的内心。
决定你幸福与否的，不是你有什么，或你是谁，或你在什么地方，或你正在做什么，而是你怎么想。例如，两个人也许在同一个地方做同样的事，两人也许拥有同样多的金钱和声望——但其中一个也许很痛苦，而另一个则很快乐。这是为什么呢？因为每个人的想法不同。我曾经看到贫穷的农夫在回归线附近最炎热的地方，用他们原始的工具工作，但他们的笑脸，并不比我在纽约、芝加哥或洛杉矶的空调房里看到的笑脸少。
“事情没有什么好坏之分，”莎士比亚说，“只不过是思想不同罢了。”
林肯也曾说：“大多数人的快乐，是因为他们决定要快乐。”他是对的。
“不论何时，当你出门在外，请微收下颌，抬头挺胸，在阳光中呼吸，用微笑来问候你的朋友们，每一次握手都要真诚。不要担心被误解，不要浪费一分钟的时间去想你的敌人。
试着坚定地确定你内心真正喜欢做的事，然后，毫不犹豫去实现自己的目标。让注意力集中在你喜欢的伟大而美好的事上，然后，随着岁月消逝，你会发现自己不知不觉地抓住了实现梦想所渴望的机会，正如珊瑚虫从潮水中汲取所需要的营养一样。在心中塑造一个你希望成为的有才华、诚恳、有作为的人，你心中的这些想法，每小时都在改变你，将把你变成你所希望的那种人……思想是至高无上的。保持一种正确的人生观，一种勇敢、坦率和乐观的态度。正确的思想就是创造。一切事物都来自于希望，而每一个诚恳的祈祷，都会实现。我们心里想什么，就会变成什么。把下巴缩进来，把头上的皇冠高高昂起。我们就是明天的主宰者。”
古代的中国人非常睿智——他们对世界上的事物都看得非常透彻，他们有一句格言，我们都应该剪下来把它贴在我们帽子里。这句格言就是“人无笑靥莫开店”。
几年前，纽约一家百货公司为缓解圣诞节忙碌期间员工的压力，陈列出了下面这副实用性哲学的广告：
圣诞节的微笑，
它毫无耗费，但创造很多。
它让得到的人受益，而付出的人一无所失。
它在瞬间发生，却给人留下永恒的回忆。
富人因它更愉快，穷人因它而富有。
它给家庭带来了愉快，在商界建立了好感，也是朋友间的亲切问候。
它给疲倦者带来休憩，给沮丧者带来光明，给悲伤者带来阳光。它也是大自然的良药。
但它却买不到，求不来，借不到，偷不走，因为在你将它送给别人之前，它对谁都毫无益处。在圣诞节最后一分钟的忙碌采购中，如果我们的售货员因太疲倦而不能给你微笑时，请您留下一个微笑好吗？因为，那些不能给予微笑的人更需要微笑。
记忆填空
1.When you____________me to make a talk about my experience with smiles, I thought I would try it for a week.____________the next morning, while combing my____________, I looked at my glum mug in the____________and said to myself,“Bill, you are going to wipe the scowl off that sour puss of yours today. You are going to____________. And you are going to begin right now.”
2.The ancient Chinese were a____________lot—wise in the ways of the world; and they had a proverb that you and I ought to cut out and paste____________our hats. It goes like this:“A man without a smiling____________must not open a shop.”
佳句翻译
1.如果你希望别人热情接待你，你一定要热情接待别人。
译___________________________________________________
2.我发现微笑给我带来了钱财，每天都大有所获。
译___________________________________________________
3.我们心里想什么，就会变成什么。
译___________________________________________________
短语应用
1.Bill, you are going to wipe the scowl off that sour puss of yours today.
wipe off：除去；还清；洗刷
造___________________________________________________
2.Act as if you were already happy, and that will tend to make you happy.
tend to：趋向；注意；易于；有……的倾向
造___________________________________________________