第51章 双重视角 Double Vision

佚名/Anonymous

When I was a little girl, my mother told me to wait for the light to turn green before I crossed the street and to cross always at the corner. This I did. Indeed, I was positive as a very young child that I would get mashed like a potato if I ever so much as stepped a foot off the sidewalk while the light was red. I followed my mother's advice until I realized that she herself jaywalked constantly, dodging in and not of moving traffic—and pulling me with her. So after a while I followed her example and not her advice.

My father told me never to cheat or steal and I remember my intense humiliation the day, only 6 years old, I received a public spanking for swiping three dimes from the windowsill where they had been left by a visiting uncle. Yet my father pushed me under the turnstile to get into the subway and got me into the movies for half fare, way after I was old enough to pay full price. And my mother continually brought home reams of stationery and other supplies lifted from the offices where she worked.

Both my parents exacted severe punishment for lying and yet I knew, in time, that they lied to me and to each other and to others when, presumably, they felt the occasion warranted it.

And this was just part of the story. But hypocrisy about sex, about race relations, about religion, took me a longer time to see. I was out of high school before that picture began to pull together. Understanding didn't devastate me because I had begun to absorb the knowledge little by little, through the years. By the time I was 18 or 19 I guess I was both old enough to understand and strong enough to face what I saw. And we, my friends and I, did come to take it for granted. Parents were that way. Older people were that way. The word for what we found out about our parents'generation was hypocrisy. And most of us accepted it as part of life—as the way things were.

Now I am grown up and I have children of my own. I go with my sons to the park where, illegally, we let our huge dog off the leash and keep on the lookout for a policeman who might catch us and give us a ticket. For the longest time I used to pull my little daughter across the middle of the street—just like my mother used to do!—warning her,“Don't do this when I'm not with you.”

When the clerk at a supermarket makes a mistake in my favor I sometimes accept it quietly, rationalizing that this makes up for one of the many times I'm sure he's overcharged me. This kind of negotiating with principle allows me to do what I want instead of what I should do. Because it is difficult to live by one's high principles. So shame is another reason for hypocrisy. Shame that we are not better than we are.

Webster says that hypocrisy is the false assumption of virtue, a simulation of goodness. Pretending, in other words, to be better than we are. Is this because we are always wanting to be better? Or only that we want to fool people into thinking that we are? When we practice a religion that preaches a concern for our fellow men, do we deliberately march out of church and refuse to rent an apartment to a black family, knowing only too well that this is hypocritical? Or do we all live our lives on two tracks because we have, somewhere along the line, come to the subliminal conclusion that such schizophrenia is essential to our survival in this country at this time?

当我还是小女孩时，母亲就告诉我，过马路只能在拐角处，并且要等交通信号灯变绿。我照做了，事实上，我很肯定，如果在红灯时往人行道外跨出一步，就会像土豆一样被碾成泥。我照着母亲的话去做。后来，我发现她自己经常乱穿马路，拉着我的手在车流中躲闪避让。所以，不久后，我也学着她的样子，不听她的劝告了。

父亲告诉我不要撒谎或偷窃。记得六岁时，有一天，我偷了一个来访叔叔放在窗台上的三毛钱，被当众打屁股，受到奇耻大辱。可是，我到了该买地铁全票的年龄时，父亲会让我躲避，看电影也只买半票。母亲也经常把她办公室的很多文具和其他物品拿回家。

父母对我的撒谎行为会处以严厉的惩罚。但我知道，在他们认为有理由的时候，就会相互欺骗，或对我和别人撒谎。

当然，这只是其中一部分，我花了很长一段时间，才弄清楚他们在性、种族关系、宗教方面的伪善。高中毕业以后才完全了解，但这些细致的了解并没有影响到我，这些年来，我对此已经相当有研究。十八九岁时，我觉得自己已经长大，能够理解和面对所看到的一切。我和朋友们，都对这一切熟视无睹了。父母和祖父母们都是那样。对于父辈们，我们只能用“伪善”这个词来形容。我们多数人接纳了伪善，如同生活的一部分——其实事情本来就是这样。

现在，我长大了，也有了自己的孩子。我带着儿子们去公园玩，解开大狗的皮带（要知道，这是不合法的），时刻警惕那些可能逮住我们并开罚单的警察。我经常拉着小女儿横穿马路——就像我的妈妈那样——同时也警告她，“我没有和你在一起时，不能这样过马路”。

当超市职员不小心多找了钱，有时我会悄悄收下，并给自己找个理由——他一定经常多收我的钱，这只不过是一次补偿而已。这种与原则的较量促使我去做自己想做的事，而不是应该做的事。因为一个人很难按照他伟大的原则去生活，于是我们会很羞愧，羞愧实际的自己不如本质的好，而这羞愧就是伪善的另一个原因。

韦伯斯特把伪善解释为对美德的虚假设定，是对善良的模仿。换言之，伪善就是装成比我们自身更好的样子。这是由于我们总是想做得更好？或者仅仅只是想愚弄人们，使他们认为我们很好？如果我们信奉鼓吹关爱他人的宗教，还会走出教堂就拒绝把房子租给一个黑人家庭吗？或者是因为我们在某种程度上已经下意识地得出结论，在当今社会，这样的精神分裂症是生存所不可或缺的，因而我们都沿着两个轨迹在生活？

我们多数人接纳了伪善，如同生活的一部分——其实事情本来就是这样。

1.I followed my mother's__________until I realized that she__________jaywalked constantly, dodging in and__________of moving traffic—and pulling me with her. So__________a while I followed her example and not her advice.

2.__________my parents exacted severe punishment for lying and yet I knew, in__________, that they lied to me and to__________other and to others when, presumably,__________felt the occasion warranted it.

3.This kind of negotiating__________principle allows me to do what I want__________of what I should do. Because it is__________to live by one's high principles. So shame is another__________for hypocrisy. Shame that we are not__________than we are.

1.父母对我的撒谎行为会处以严厉的惩罚。

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2.我和朋友们，都对这一切熟视无睹了。

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3.因为一个人很难按照他伟大的原则去生活。

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1....I had begun to absorb the knowledge little by little...

little by little：逐渐地

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2....we let our huge dog off the leash and keep on the lookout for...

keep on：继续进行；接连；反复

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