Ⅱ.International Etiquette

Etiquette is an indivisible ingredient of culture.Different nations have different histories and cultures,so there is no so-called “International Etiquette” existing in the world.But as a matter of fact,there must be something international to guide the involved parties’ manners in the international intercourses,and the generally-accepted etiquette rules in the international society is what we define,in this book,the international etiquette.

In modern global society,Occidental etiquette composes the main portion of the international etiquette.

Occidental etiquette originated from ancient Greek and Roman protocols,which,as a kind of court etiquette,were established upon consideration for the rulers of the authority before they were spread to England.British authority made great contribution to the popularization of the etiquette after a series of conformity,recasting the court etiquette into the etiquette of communities.

Formal etiquette rooted in the French royal court during the 1600-1700’s.The nobles who lived at court did not work,and so they developed elaborate social customs mostly out of boredom.The nobles drafted out a list of proper social behavior and called it etiquette which came from an old French word meaning ticket.This code of behavior soon spread to other European courts and finally was put to use by the upper classes throughout the Western world.

With the colonial expansion initiating from the 16th century,the Western colonizers spread their etiquette,as a part of culture,to nearly every corner of the colonies scattered in every human-inhabiting continent.In the 18th and 19th centuriy,etiquette was usually taught in schools in Western countries,especially in the private schools to which wealthier families sent their children.

From the 1500’s through the early 1900’s,children learned etiquette at school.Children were asked following such points as:

◇the proper way of kneeling before their teachers (whew,glad that’s gone);

◇the value of remaining silent until spoken to,and

◇using a dinner knife as a toothpick.

While the father of American etiquette was none other than the Father of USA himself,George Washington,who compiled a series of Rules of Civility and Decent Behavior in Company and Conversation at the age of 16,based on earlier rule books from France and England.Many of Washington’s rules remain practical today:

◇“Every action done in company,ought to be with some sign of respect to those that are present.”

◇“Sleep not when others speak,sit not when others stand,speak not when you should hold your peace,and walk not on when others stop.”

◇“In visiting the sick,do not presently play the physician if you be not knowing herein.”

By the early 20th century,however,the middle class began into professional and social circles formerly inaccessible to them raised numerous questions about proper etiquette.Socialite-turned-author Emily Post (1873-1960),who was born in a wealthy Baltimore family and married into a wealthy New York family,stepped up to answer those questions in 1922 in her book Etiquette in Society,in Business,in Politics,and at Home.The book—later titled simply Etiquette—became a best seller and has been revised numerous times in the past 90 years.Today,Emily Post’s great-granddaughter-in-law,Peggy Post,and other relatives carry on her legacy through the Emily Post Institute (which describes itself as a “barometer for civility” in America) and its website.

Other remarkable 20th century etiquette elites included:

◇Amy Vanderbilt (1908-1974),a native of New York City,newspaper reporter and public relations consultant,who published Amy Vanderbilt’s Complete Book of Etiquette in 1952.This and Emily Post’s book were the U.S.etiquette bibles of the 50’s-70’s era.She was also a host in television and radio programs on good manners.

◇Letitia Baldridge (born in 1925),daughter of a parliamentarian and sister of a Reagan Cabinet official,served as First Lady Jacqueline Kennedy’s White House social secretary from 1961 to 1963.She authored two Amy Vanderbilt etiquette books in the late 1970s (after Vanderbilt’s death) before branching out on her own in the 1980s.

◇Judith Martin (born 1938),writer of the “Miss Manners” syndicated advice column.Martin’s columns and books—with titles such as Miss Manners’ Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior and Miss Manners’ Guide to Rearing Perfect Children—are famous for their wisdom and humor.

◇Marjabelle Young Stewart (1924-2007),an Iowa native who lived in an orphanage for several years after her parents divorced learned good manners from the staff there.As an adult,she became a professional model and sponsored charm school classes for all ages.Her annual list of America’s “best mannered” cities frequently cited Charleston,S.C.,Savannah,Ga.,and—surprisingly—New York City.

Over the years,people were expected to follow an increasingly complicated series of rules,many of which seem silly today.In Western countries in the 1800’s,a young man could not talk to a young woman he knew until she had first acknowledged him.Little girls curtsied and little boys bowed when introduced to someone.Not many years ago,when a young man and a young woman went out on a date,she should be sit quietly in the car while he walked around it to open her door and help her out.

Since the 1960’s,manners have simplified.It is beneficial to know some rules about how to behave in certain situations—if only because this makes life more comfortable for you and makes you more self-confident in social communications.For the unlearned,etiquette lessons in business and social situations can be purchased through the internet or bought in a book store.There is no longer an excuse to not have “the ticket”.Etiquette today is based on treating everyone with the same degree of kindness and consideration,and it includes mostly of common sense and basic good manners.

The most popular subjects of etiquette guides today are weddings and business and workplace manners.Reflecting changes in society since the Post and Vanderbilt era,wedding etiquette guides today address issues such as blended families,second and third marriages,brides and grooms who are already living together or have children together,marriages between couples of different faiths or cultures,and more recently,same-sex unions.Meanwhile,questions about the proper use of email,cellular phones,and faxes,how to write letters,how to compose resumés,and how to get along with bosses and co-workers dominate business etiquette guides.

In addition to the numerous how-to guides,there are also how-not-to guides that demonstrate why good manners are important,as well as the real-life consequences of ignoring them.

Etiquette seems to have risen,like the sun,in the East and to be Oriental in their origin.This is natural enough,since the Orient was the center of early civilization.But with the influence of colonial expansion,Occidental succeeded in radiating the late-generated regional etiquette to the world.And due to the dominant position of Occident in almost all the fields of politics,economy,military,culture and so on,particularly the superpower status of the USA after the World War Ⅱ,Occidental etiquette steps up to the core of the modern international etiquette system and many of Occidental etiquette have become general items of it.

However,it is obviously improper to regard the Modern International Etiquette as Occidental Etiquette itself.Modern international etiquette combines ritual characteristics of different nations,cultures,people,and the various etiquette rules that can be adopted by the people around the world.Every nation in the world devotes her effort to the process of remodeling the national etiquette into international,by ways of inheriting and developing the lively etiquette rules in her own history and culture.Modern international etiquette can be shared by most of the nations in the world,more and more nations emphasize on combining international etiquette with their own national etiquettes creatively.Modern international etiquette is crystallization of humanity’s collective wisdom,valuable historical and cultural wealth of the whole world.