Introduction

Etiquette is a code of behavior that delineates expectations for social behavior according to contemporary conventional norms within a society,social class,or group.This French word,signifying ticket (of admission,etc.) first appeared in English in 1750.

Rules of etiquette encompass most aspects of social interaction in any society,though the term itself is not commonly used.A rule of etiquette may reflect an underlying ethical code,or it may reflect a person’s fashion or status.Rules of etiquette are usually unwritten,but aspects of etiquette have been codified from time to time.

Misconceptions about etiquette and the need for it abound,which makes it necessary to clarify four things that etiquette is most certainly not:

A Set of Rigid Rules: Manners are not fixed all the time and today are more flexible than ever before.Etiquette isn’t a set of “prescriptions for properness” but only a set of guidelines for doing things in ways that make people feel comfortable.

Something for the Wealthy or Well-Born: Etiquette is a norm of behavior for people from all fields,every socioeconomic group,and of all ages.Everyone needs to enhance his life by good manners.

A Thing of the Past: Sometimes it seems that yesterday’s standards have been out of date,but today’s more casual approach to things is something that sits on the surface.The basic principles of etiquette remain as solid as they ever were.

Snobbishness: Little violates the principles of etiquette more than snobbery—which,more often than not,is just another name for pretentiousness.A person who distains others shows himself not as superior but small—the kind who’s anything but respectful and considerate.

People who know the rules of etiquette have little trouble translating what they see and hear into courteous behavior.Courteous people are empathetic—they are able to relate emotionally to the feelings of others.They listen carefully to what people say.They are conscious about what is going on around them and register clearly what they see.A self-centered person may say,“I know exactly how you feel” to someone in a traumatic situation and then immediately turn to describe his own experiences.An empathetic person is more likely to say something like,“I can’t know how you feel right now,but I can understand your grief (or anger or sadness).And if you want to share with me,I would like to listen.”

Another characteristic of courteous people is flexible—they are willing to adjust their own behavior to the needs and feelings of others.This doesn’t mean that well-mannered people are pushovers or have no their own judgment.While courtesy means understanding that nobody is perfect,courteous people aren’t so concerned about forms (using the right fork or introducing people in the correct order) that they would embarrass or vilify others for simple violations of etiquette.Courteous people would never use another person’s mistakes as an excuse to react with rude words or cruel acts.

Etiquette is crucial between interpersonal communications.It is said to be a person’s external appearance of inward cultivation and quality.Interpersonal etiquette can be considered as a kind of art,a method of communication.It is a common respect for a person and a friendly practice in interpersonal relationships.From the aspect of transmitting,interpersonal rituals can be roughly divided into chief etiquette,business etiquette,service etiquette,social etiquette,foreign etiquette and several other major branches.

Etiquette plays an important role in any society.Firstly,it can help people to develop their self-cultivation.Secondly,it will advance social communication and improve people’s interpersonal relationship.It also can purify the ethos of society.From the respect of collectivity,etiquette can create the image,improve the custom ultimately and promote the development of the economy and social benefit.Etiquette is an important part of a certain community’s culture and spirit and a major attachment of group’s image.All the civilized people have a high standard of etiquette and view etiquette as significant part of group’s culture.Meanwhile,it also can be seen as the important software to obtain international fame.Therefore,etiquette learning is the trend of the times and the actual need of enhancing the competition.

When we discuss etiquette,some relevant concepts are frequently mentioned in this book: manners,politeness,protocol,courtesy and ritual.

Manners,which are the unenforced standards of conduct in sociology,show the actor that you are proper,polite,and cultivated.They are like laws in that they codify or set a standard for human behavior,but they are unlike laws in that there is no formal system for punishing violations,other than social disapproval.They are a kind of norm.What is considered “mannerly” is greatly susceptible to change with time,geographical location,social stratum,occasion,and other factors.That manners matter is proved by the fact that large books have been written on the subject,advice columns frequently deal with questions of mannerly behavior,and that schools have existed for the sole purpose of teaching manners.A lady is a term frequently used to describe a woman who follows proper manners; the term gentleman is used as a male counterpart; though these terms are often used for members of a particular social class.

“Etiquette tells one which fork to use.Manners tell one what to do when your neighbor doesn’t.”

Politeness is best illustrated as the practical application of good manners or etiquette.It is a culturally defined phenomenon,and what is considered polite in one culture can often be quite rude or simply strange in another.

While the purpose of politeness is to make all of the parties relaxed and comfortable with one another,these culturally defined norms sometimes may be manipulated to inflict shame on a designated party.

Protocol is the etiquette of diplomacy and affairs of state in international politics which is commonly described as a set of international courtesy rules.These well-established and time-honored rules have facilitated nations and people to live and work together.Part of protocol which is based on the principles of civility has always been the acknowledgment of the hierarchical standing of all present.

Courtesy is the polite behavior or a polite posture or remark.

A ritual is a set of behaviors,performed mainly for their symbolic value.It may be formulated by a religion or by the traditions of a community.A ritual may be performed on specific occasions,or at the discretion of individuals or communities.It may be performed by a single individual,by a group,or by the entire community; in arbitrary places,or in places especially reserved for it; either in public,in private,or before specific people.A ritual may be restricted to a certain subset of the community,and may enable or emphasize the passage between religious or social states.It usually excludes actions which are arbitrarily chosen by the performers,or dictated purely by logic,chance,necessity,etc.