Preface　Blue Eyes in“paradise”

Preface　Blue　Eyes　in“paradise”

I　have　never　lived　in　Heaven.

On　a　summer　afternoon,I　decided　to　quit　a　superior　job　and　a　comfortable　life　and　go　abroad　alone.Someone　made　up　a　story　that　I　would　go　marry　an　American　guy,so　all　my　friends　believed　it　was　an　American　congressman　that　made　me　so　desperately　determined.Well,frankly,I　had　met　a　senior　U.S.Representative　and　we　became　good　friends.This　handsome　gentleman　was　a　sentimental　lover　and　I　was　obsessed　so　much,as　his　love,social　status　and　wealth　were　all　so　attractive.We　did　speak　different　languages　with　distinctive　cultural　backgrounds,but　still,I　tried　to　love　and　be　loved.We　exchanged　love　letters　translated　by　my　secretary,and　affections　were　born　from　these　letters.I　started　to　yearn　for　a　strange　and　distant　country　the　United　States　of　America.When　I　got　to　Honolulu,a　sort　of　grand　atmosphere　and　sound　released　my　dream.Love,at　that　moment,was　as　thin　as　a　wisp　of　nostalgia.I　was　a　bit　hesitated,but　that　could　not　prevent　my　crying　in　the　heart:I　was　to　get　married!

But　who　had　expected　that　I　was　to　marry　a　wonderful　land　in　the　paradise?

The　long　road　for　Heaven　was　tough,as　if　time　did　not　have　wings　and　steps　were　not　accompanied　by　shadows.With　the　feeling　of　a　half　journalist　and　a　professional　writer,I　was　wandering　around　in　the　paradise.I　would　love　to　speak　with　an　academic　tone,but　when　I　expressed　my　feelings,I　was　actually　a　sentimental　poet.

This　paradise　had　never　been　hard　and　cold.I　met　a　group　of　great　Americans　on　the　way　to　it.I　got　to　know　their　feelings　about　life,trying　to　touch　upon　the　roots　of　Americans,their　society　and　culture,sensibility　and　sex,religion　and　family,wealth　and　love...All　this　was　appealing　to　me　and　tempting　me　to　go　further,just　like　rocks　and　sea　breeze　touching　the　land　gradually.I　was　an　untrained　singer　hearing　echoes　of　my　singing　in　an　open　land.When　I　was　stepping　closer　and　facing　the　country,I　was　pretty　sure　that　I　was　in　love　indeed.It　may　not　be　important　that　whether　I　was　close　to　the　real　paradise,as　I　said　in　a　poem:“When　I　exchanged　time　with　Heaven,I　belonged　to　the　genuine　paradise.”

I　could　never　walk　out　of　America's　passion　when　I　was　surrounding　by　the　romantic　ocean.I　saw　the　beauty　of　a　substantial　life.I　was　trying　to　look　at　the　root　of　the　society　and　culture　of　the　United　States,including　its　history,geography,survival　principles　and　stories.When　modern　ways　met　old　ones,this　country　played　its　own　melody　at　a　rhythm　reflecting　the　true　color　of　the　United　States.

The　Americans　would　never　be　beaten　in　the　crash,and　nor　would　they　be　emptied　in　the　ruins.True　Americans　cherished　love　and　respected　heroes,which　could　be　told　from　two　popular　souvenirs　in　New　York　after　the　terrorist　attacks:clothes　printed　with“GDNY”and　basketball　caps（Mr.Rudolph　W　Giuliani,the　mayor　of　New　York　City　liked　wearing　a　basketball　cap　and　worked　at　World　Trade　Center　ground　zero.This　respected　mayor　was　tortured　by　cancer,but　still　worked　in　the　front　line.）I　had　many　interactions　with　the　city　and　the　people,among　which　were　people　had　worked　in　the　Trade　Center.I　got　the　first-hand　materials　on　unknown　stories　of　Chinese　people　in　the　attack.But　I　didn't　talk　about　them.I　just　mentioned　that　an　American　read　Byron　Rufus　Newton's　poem（1906）loudly　facing　the　ground　zero　on　the　coastal　areas.I　was　deeply　moved　by　the　fact　that　people　were　so　close　to　their　hearts　when　special　events　came.

American　culture　and　society　were　brilliant.The　culture　might　not　be　fine　enough,but　it　would　never　disappoint　you.A　city　had　its　own　culture,as　a　land　had　its　own　history.But　that　cannot　be　consistent　with　people's　changing　mind,though　it　also　kept　changing　in　a　silent　or　an　exaggerated　way.What　I　would　like　to　do　was　to　grasp　a　few　feathers　of　thoughts　in　the　drizzling　breeze　of　American　culture.The　city　was　a　cultural　space.When　I　was　enjoying　exquisite　church　concerts,the　traditional　and　modern　musicals　echoed　with　a　feeling　of　touching　ambers.In　a　senior　community　I　felt　the　beauty　of　interactions　between　human　and　nature　against　the　backdrop　of　a　sunset.At　the　moment,I　tended　to　believe　that　these　were　all　parts　of　culture.

The　United　States　was　actually　very　weak　in　some　way.If　terrorists　targeted　the　undersea　tunnel　in　the　city　of　New　York,this　metropolitan　city　would　be　paralyzed　overnight.Several　anthrax　letters　could　cause　great　panic　in　the　whole　country.The　functional　authority　of　the　US　government　has　been　weakening　since　President　Regan.The　management　of　prisons　and　the　security　checks　in　airports　has　been　delegated　to　private　companies.But　this　was　not　my　focus　of　interest,as　after　all,I　was　not　sociologist　but　a　stranger　among　the　moving　crowds.I　couldn't　reach　very　deeply　in　the　soul　of　the　country.But　I　found　that　the　society　and　culture,from　the　perspective　of　a　scholar,could　awake　humanity.

It　touched　the　roots　of　desire.What　happened　in　this　country　might　not　be　definitely　right　or　wrong.It　just　stood　in　front　of　the　world　with　a　disguise　of　philosophy,and　let　you　feel　it　with　your　heart　and　wisdom.Sometimes　it　showed　a　sense　of　humor（like　a　comedy）and　made　you　realize　its　natural　essence.You　would　suddenly　see　the　flora　and　fauna　turning　into　a　bird　paradise.

Undoubtedly,it　was　a　temptation　heaven　full　of　desire.New　York　City　was　the　most　qualified　showcase.You　would　shrink　into　a　particle　of　dust　surrounded　by　Manhattan's　skyscrapers.You　might　be　mired　in　abject　poverty　in　the　treasure　island.You　would　look　back　upon　the　Peal　Harbor　attack　on　the　deck　of　the　Carrier　Wasp.You　would　likely　become　a　media　of　desire　backed　with　the　hegemony　of　the　world,which　would　just　push　you　to　the　limit　to　exert　yourself.

The　United　States,in　some　way,was　a　country　where　you　could　cherish　your　dreams　more.Americans　were　stumbling　through　reality　full　of　risks.It　was　the　internal　power　of　life　that　made　people　quit　or　yield.American　men　preferred　letting　you　know　their　love　and　passion　directly　with　all　emotional　details.American　women　were　able　to　explore　many　opportunities　and　accomplish　achievements　under　men's　ambitions.The　social　life　of　the　upper　class　showed　ambition　and　desire　in　an　elegant　way,like　notes　intoned　in　a　harp.It　was　unlikely　that　you　could　be　uninfluenced　or　not　shocked.You　could　not　be　exempt　from　desire　and　ambitions.As　far　as　the　whole　country　is　concerned,the　United　States　grew　up　to　be　a　hegemony　power　after　World　War　II.The　country's　development　told　everything.Mr.George　Kennan,the　laureate　of　Nobel　Peace　Prize,expressed　his　opinions　to　the　Congress　in　1948:“We　have　about　50%of　the　world's　wealth,but　only　6.3%of　its　population...we　cannot　fail　to　be　the　object　of　envy　and　resentment.Our　task...is　to　devise　a　pattern　of　relationships　which　will　permit　us　to　maintain　this　position　of　disparity...we　should　cease　to　talk　about...unreal　objectives　such　as　human　rights,the　raising　of　living　standards,and　democratization...”

Americans'desire　was　peaceful　fire.It　had　the　heritage　of　the　Fire　God　Mauike　in　Polynesians'myth　stories.This　country　was　a　fairy　tale　created　by　its　people,which　showed　a　power　that　was“through　flowers”(Judy　Chicago),a　power　of　women　and　children　in　a　men's　world.

A　woman　looking　at　a　nation's　culture　would　most　likely　take　a　maternity　perspective.I　was　searching　for　American　women's　roots,and　suddenly　found　that　women　here　were　a　kind　of　religion,a　truth　and　brilliant　power　beyond　time　and　nation.When　I　got　closer　to　the　upper　class　in　this　country,I　was　getting　to　know　106-year-old　Mrs.Soong　Mei-ling,widow　of　Chiang　Kai-shek（late　President　of　Kuo　Min　Tang),Mr.Kofi　Annan's　wife,Mrs.Anna　Chen　Chennault,Mrs.Lily　Lee　Chen,and　Mrs.Yue-Sai　Kan.They,of　course,could　not　represent　all　American　women,but　their　life　stories　were　epitome　of　women　life　in　the　states.Though　American　women　might　not　ask　for　so　many　detailed　things　as　Chinese　women　did,they　were　working　hard　in　taking　care　of　their　families　as　well.They　believed　that　life,for　women,was　beyond　political,art　and　all　tangible　forms.Life　had　the　very　ideal　substance.I　passionately　mentioned　a　love　story　between　a　50-year-old　woman　professor　and　her　20-year-old　boyfriend.I　met　a　great　mother.She　had　lost　two　sons　in　wars　and　gone　through　various　hardships,but　still,she　managed　to　lead　a　brilliant　life.There　were　many　women　movements　in　the　U.S.,but　among　various　principles　and　theories　of　women　rights　protection　campaigns　and　women-study　groups,there　were　two　main　genres:the　theory　of　essence　and　the　theory　of　culture.Despite“cultural　sedimentation”or“male's　traps”,American　women's　status　could　always　reveal　their　capability　and　accomplishments.American　culture　genteelly　created　a　level　playing　field　for　women　so　that　they　would　have　opportunities　to　shape　their　own　styles　and　cultures.They　were　able　to　away　from　the　binding　of　an　external　form　of　family　and　rest　in　a　free　world　of　home.

There　were　still　the　roots　of　the　sense　of　family　in　the　U.S.,but　I　could　not　give　a　full　explanation　of　the　connotations　of　American“family”.Family　was　the　origin　of　Chinese　people's　life,the　start　and　end　of　life　journey.Whenever　we　Chinese　stopped,walked　away,left　hometown,or　rest　under　a　roof,family　was　always　in　our　heart.In　the　United　States,the　biggest　unstableness　was　the　absolute　freedom　that　could　not　be　bound　by　blood　relationships　and　family　love.I　was　staying　in　different　American　families　to　feel　the　American　characteristics　of“family”,and　I　compared　that　with　Chinese　concept　of“family”in　a　sentimental　way.

People　were　relying　on　family　as　plants　on　land.Americans　seldom　said　that　they　would　like　to　spend　the　retired　life　in　their　hometown.So“leaves　fallen　to　the　land”had　unique　philosophical　meaning　here.From　the　very　start　to　the　end,then　it　was　the　other　way　round.“Family”served　as　a　means　as　well　as　a　goal,which　was　pretty　much　like　the　Zen's　thought:virtually　unified.

Mr.Bill　Gates,the　richest　man　in　the　world,has$8.3　billion　worth　of　property.He　has　based　the　headquarters　of　Microsoft　in　Seattle,the　CEO's　hometown.His　attachment　to　Seattle　is　greater　than　that　to　the　Internet.He　said　that　Seattle　is　his　hometown　and　he　couldn't　be　separated　from　it,as　this　place　has　raised　him　with　the　water　in　Washington　Lake.And　the　rich　man's　home　is　just　besides　the　lake.

Many　American　senior　people　would　rather　move　out　of　their　houses　and　live　in　senior　care　centers.They　might　pass　away　in　a　strange　apartment　peacefully.I　once　stood　in　front　of　the　tomb　of　General　Zhang　Xueliang　and　his　wife.It　was　such　a　simple　tomb　that　could　even　make　me　sad.I　could　never　imagine　that　General　Zhang　Xueliang　was　rest　in　peace　here　for　good.No　any　sense　of　power.No　noise.No　nothing.The　General　had　left　the　world　in　a　truly　simple　way.Then　I　suffered　from　insomnia　for　quite　a　long　time　until　I　decided　to　do　something　about　it.I　went　to　pay　a　call　to　General　Zhang's　son　in　San　Francisco,and　thought　about　establishing　a　General　Zhang　Xueliang's　Fund　to　buy　his　old　house.When　I　was　busy　working　on　it,I　suddenly　found　out　that　General　Zhang　had　not　got　an　old　house　in　Hawaii,and　he　had　been　living　in　a　senior　care　center　till　the　end　of　his　life.People　reminded　me　that　he　had　been　very　much　like　an　American.This　catholic　was　probably　tracing　for　a　simple　and　elegant　life.Wasn't　it　a　noble　and　reserved　sensibility?Maybe　it　was　true　that　Chinese　people　were　used　to　keep　things　inside,and　would　not　express　the　deep　feelings　to　other　people　easily.This　had　a　root　in　Chinese　long　history　and　culture.In　the　U.S.,making　things　known　was　a　way　to　offering　kindness　to　people　surrounding　you.The　word“family”in　the　context　of　American　culture　would　be　a　mixture　of　internal　and　external　sensibility.Just　like　a　sincere　person　did　not　need　to　talk　about　integrity　all　the　time,an　outspoken　nation　had　its　own　custom　of　being　frank.American“family”was　a　combination　of　sense　and　sensibility.

I　was　crazily　looking　at　and　touching　this　country　with　an　internal　motivation,as　if　I　were　to　marry　in　a　Heaven　and　devote　my　life　to　it.I　was　uttering　crazy　talks　in　the　grope　for　American　roots,and　got　intoxicated　by　different　views　and　scenarios　on　the　road　to　the　paradise.So　finally,I　wrote　down　my　feelings　and　understanding　of　all　this　with　a　woman's　sincere　words　of　poem.

I　loved　this　country　when　I　was　getting　closer　and　closer　to　it,and　then　tried　to　forget　it　in　tears.Though　under　the　wings　of　desire,I　had　forgot　my　status　as　a　passenger　and　lived　through　dreams　that　could　not　have　been　imagined　before.

When　I　stepped　on　the　stairs　of　the　plane　back　to　Hong　Kong,I　reached　out　hands　to　that　Congressman　still　in　love.I　felt　so　grateful　and　told　myself　in　the　heart:

You　are　my　pearl　and　my　dirt,

I　have　been　misled　into　a　great　feast　on　my　way　to　a　mirage,

The　tenacity　of　the　paradise　has　been　broken,

I　have　gone　through　the　bright　of　flowers,

Farewell!Though　it　is　the　least　appropriate　time

Xiaoye　Xiuzi

September　7th,2005